Call Her Daddy
Call Her Daddy
"Relationships are amplifiers. So if you are chasing people that you can't be yourself with, that is going to amplify your insecurity. If you are with people that make you feel like yourself, it is going to amplify your authenticity." — Mel Robbins
"In order to be casual friends, on average, it takes about 40 hours of time together for a student in college to feel like you and I are friends. ... When you're an adult to start your life, it takes 94 hours of time together before you start to consider someone a casual friend." — Mel Robbins
"The fact that you survived those things means you are worthy of love and you are worthy of happiness. And if you are breathing, you need to wake up every day and look yourself in the mirror and see a woman who is your co-pilot in life that needs you to wake the fuck up and start being kind to her and cheering for her and doing shit that actually makes her happy because she's trying hard." — Mel Robbins
The episode continues the discussion on personal growth with life coach Mel Robbins, focusing on the complexities of adult friendships. Alex Cooper highlights the common anxiety surrounding friend group changes after college, emphasizing that it is normal for friendships to evolve due to life changes like relocation, marriage, or shifts in interests. Mel Robbins explains that defining one's worth by external factors, including social circles, is problematic because it relinquishes control over self-esteem. The conversation delves into the research on friendship, revealing that adult friendships require significantly more time investment (94 hours for casual friendship, 160 hours for close friendship) compared to college friendships (40 hours for casual, 57 hours for close) due to shifting life patterns and increased diversity in social circles.
Robbins further elaborates on the "tree" metaphor for friendships, categorizing them into "leaves" (seasonal, purpose-driven), "branches" (stronger, but can break under pressure), and "roots" (enduring, supportive). The importance of having at least one "root" friend is stressed for overall well-being. The discussion shifts to people-pleasing tendencies, particularly in women, linking them to biological wiring for connection and societal conditioning that encourages emotional processing over risk-taking. Robbins advises shifting focus from seeking external validation to internal self-validation and self-kindness, as external validation amplifies existing insecurities.
The episode concludes with a powerful message on self-worth and healing. Robbins asserts that surviving past traumas, discrimination, or abuse is evidence of worthiness of love and happiness. She encourages listeners to build a relationship with themselves, emphasizing that true happiness and healing are internal processes that cannot be outsourced to others. The fundamental habit for increased happiness and meaning is identified as practicing self-kindness, a behavior often neglected despite its profound impact.