Call Her Daddy
Call Her Daddy
"The apps also make rejection a daily or I guess even hourly experience. You can send out five, 10 messages in a day and not hear back from a single person." — Alex Cooper
"The flattening that is taking place with the profile. I mean, an algorithm, a device, an app, wants to flatten things. It wants to remove the obstacles. It wants to be something very polished that solves all the problems. But that's not what life is about." — Esther Perel
"The risk of getting lost the risk of listening to a piece of music I don't like the risk of buying something that I can't return the risk of meeting someone that I want necessarily like if life is filled with risks so our relationship so is dating." — Esther Perel
The episode explores the challenges of modern dating, with a particular focus on the "soul-sucking" experience often associated with dating apps. Esther Perel introduces the concept of "emotional capitalism," where individuals feel compelled to commodify themselves to be desirable, leading to constant self-evaluation and a transactional approach to relationships. This environment fosters a culture of ghosting and immediate disengagement, leaving individuals feeling disposable. The discussion highlights how dating apps normalize rejection, potentially leading to a desensitization that can impact how individuals treat others.
Perel advocates for a shift away from the data-driven, checklist mentality of app-based dating towards more organic and experiential encounters. She suggests valuing existing relationships, integrating new people into social circles, and focusing on creating shared experiences rather than conducting interviews. The conversation emphasizes that genuine intimacy and connection are built on curiosity, surprise, and a willingness to embrace vulnerability and the unknown, rather than seeking perfection or a pre-defined "match." The limitations of digital interaction are contrasted with the richness of in-person encounters that allow for a more holistic understanding of a person.
The episode also touches on the societal pressures and biological realities that can influence dating decisions, particularly for women. It encourages a proactive approach to life and relationship goals rather than succumbing to panic or settling. Ultimately, the conversation underscores the importance of re-cultivating human connection skills, embracing risk, and fostering authentic intimacy in an increasingly digital and de-risked world.