Call Her Daddy
Call Her Daddy
"Medium friends are genuine friends. You share history, such as the same alma mater, circumstances, such as an employer or interest. Medium friends make you laugh, bring news, offer insights or expertise. But unlike the closest friends, medium friends test the limits of your time, love, and energy." — Alex Cooper
"The goal I think in all relationships is for the dynamic to be horizontal rather than vertical." — Alex Cooper
"Horizontal relationship is basically a completely egalitarian relationship, which basically means both sides view each other to be of equal status, right? And each one is able to show up authentically without worrying about being inferior or superior to the other." — Alex Cooper
The podcast episode begins with the host, Alex Cooper, reflecting on the joy of colder weather in Los Angeles and her renewed interest in learning for its own sake. She introduces a new segment, a "book club" for Sunday sessions, aiming to explore articles and ideas that stimulate intellectual curiosity. This week's focus is an article from The New York Times titled "The Vexing Problem of the Medium Friend" by Lisa Miller. Cooper defines "medium friends" as individuals who are more than casual acquaintances but not part of one's inner circle, often met through shared activities or circumstances, offering enjoyable experiences without the high demands of close friendships. She contrasts this with the often-unspoken expectations and potential for emotional drain in deeply committed friendships, advocating for the value of low-stakes, lighthearted connections.
The discussion delves into the concept of "vertical" versus "horizontal" relationships, drawing from the book "The Courage to Be Disliked." A horizontal relationship is characterized by equality, mutual respect, and reciprocity, where both individuals feel empowered to be authentic. In contrast, a vertical relationship involves an imbalance of power or influence, where one person is consistently more needed or holds more sway, often leading to one-sided emotional labor. Cooper illustrates this with examples of friendships where one person acts as a perpetual therapist, leading to resentment and exhaustion. She emphasizes that while close friendships are vital for deep support, they require careful navigation to avoid becoming a sole source of emotional well-being for one individual.
Cooper concludes by urging listeners to re-evaluate their friendships, particularly identifying and nurturing horizontal relationships, including those with "medium friends," as a means to replenish personal energy and maintain a balanced social life. She suggests that setting boundaries is crucial, even if it means potentially losing a friend who cannot adapt to a more equitable dynamic. The episode also touches upon advice for relationship challenges, including a fiancé struggling with a new job and how to handle discovering infidelity.