Call Her Daddy
Call Her Daddy
"A healthy relationship is respectful, compassionate, safe. You feel comfortable expressing your needs, your wants and your aspirations without fear of being criticized, mocked or humiliated." — Dr. Ramani Durvasula
"The tricky part of a narcissistic relationship is there are good days. There can even be good weeks or good months. You happen to be on the same page. Life is going really well for the narcissistic person...when life is going the way the narcissistic person wants, they're great, and you'll feel like you're something, you feel not only do you feel seen and hurt, it's exciting and it's fun and it's sexy and it's great." — Dr. Ramani Durvasula
"You never win with a gaslighting person head on. You're not because it's a tactic for them... when that happens, that's not gaslighting. That is sort of the normal mind slippages we have. And you immediately take ownership when it's brought up or even if you don't have the evidence and email or a text." — Dr. Ramani Durvasula
The episode delves into the complexities of narcissism and its impact on relationships, beginning with Dr. Ramani Durvasula debunking common misconceptions. She clarifies that narcissism extends beyond superficial traits like vanity or selfishness, often involving a deeper pattern of behavior that is misunderstood by the public. The discussion then shifts to defining a healthy relationship, emphasizing qualities like respect, safety, and open expression of needs, contrasting this with the invalidating, confusing, and manipulative nature of narcissistic relationships. Dr. Durvasula highlights that narcissistic relationships can initially appear dazzling and exciting, making them difficult to discern, especially in the early stages of dating.
The conversation explores how initial dates with narcissistic individuals can be deceptive, ranging from seemingly perfect interactions to those with subtle red flags that are often overlooked or rationalized. Dr. Durvasula explains the role of attachment styles, particularly the anxious-avoidant dynamic often seen in narcissistic individuals and those who are attracted to them, leading to a toxic push-and-pull cycle. She advises listeners to embrace "slow dating" as a strategy to identify these patterns, as narcissists often lose interest when progress is not rapid. The episode underscores that recognizing narcissistic traits can take a significant amount of time, even up to a year or more, due to the initial "love bombing" or idealization phase.
Further, the discussion addresses how arguments manifest differently in healthy versus narcissistic relationships. While healthy arguments involve "I" statements, compromise, and mutual respect, narcissistic arguments are characterized by deflection, blame, gaslighting, and verbal abuse, making genuine resolution impossible. Dr. Durvasula stresses that chronic gaslighting erodes a person's sense of reality and that disengagement is often the only viable strategy. The episode also touches upon the phenomenon of trauma bonding and why individuals with a history of chaotic relationships might find stable ones boring, emphasizing the need for self-awareness and potentially therapeutic intervention to recalibrate one's understanding of healthy love.