Call Her Daddy
Call Her Daddy
"The thing we most get wrong about being a good supporter is we think it's our job to make the person feel better. If you're trying to support somebody who's going through a hard time your job is not to make them feel better it's to make them feel loved and cared for." — Megan Divine
In this episode of "Call Her Daddy," host Alex Cooper speaks with psychotherapist and grief expert Megan Divine about the complexities of grief. Divine, author of "It's Okay That You're Not Okay," challenges the societal perception of grief as a finite process solely tied to death. She explains that life itself is filled with various forms of loss, and grief exists on a broad spectrum. Divine shares her personal experience of loss after her partner's sudden death, highlighting how well-intentioned advice often missed the mark, focusing on "fixing" pain rather than offering genuine presence. This realization fueled her advocacy for a more empathetic and less prescriptive approach to grief.
Divine debunks the common misunderstanding that grief should have a definitive end, emphasizing that societal pressure to "get over it" is detrimental. She advocates for supporting grieving individuals by making them feel loved and cared for, rather than attempting to alleviate their pain. This involves acknowledging the difficulty of the situation and offering steadfast presence without the need to "fix" anything. Divine also addresses common missteps in supporting grieving friends, cautioning against platitudes like "everything happens for a reason" and advising listeners to prioritize compassionate listening and presence over prescriptive advice.
The conversation delves into practical advice for navigating grief, including setting personal boundaries, the nuances of sharing personal grief experiences, and understanding "complicated grief," which Divine suggests is simply the natural complexity of human relationships and emotions. She stresses the importance of self-compassion and tending to basic needs during times of intense grief, using the "vomit metric" as a personal indicator for when certain decisions might be too soon. Divine concludes by offering profound reassurance to those in the depths of grief, validating their experience and emphasizing that hope can be found in acknowledging the truth of their pain.