Call Her Daddy
Call Her Daddy
"I think eventually that's why I documented basically my coming out, walking through my upbringing in the church and then playing football, all of these really masculine, toxic masculine situations that pretty much just shoved me in the closet for a long time and I brought a lot of that on myself." — Colton Underwood
"The locker room is extremely homophobic but it's also very homoerotic where it's like slapping the ass you know commenting on each other's dicks and then all of a sudden being called a fag and queer and all these derogatory is that you're like wait hold on and especially for someone in the closet you're like this is really messed up." — Colton Underwood
"I think for me it's giving yourself permission to explore and that goes way beyond just sexuality that just it goes beyond with like really truly sitting with what makes you feel good because I got into the position that I got into because I was doing things that weren't fulfilling and making me happy and it turned me into a miserable person and then I projected that on other people." — Colton Underwood
Colton Underwood candidly discusses the significant influence of his upbringing in the Catholic church and his career in football on his journey to self-acceptance. He explains how these environments, characterized by traditional masculinity and religious doctrines, contributed to his internalized homophobia and the prolonged struggle to acknowledge his true identity. Underwood details his experiences navigating the "extremely homophobic but also very homoerotic" locker room culture, where casual derogatory remarks coexisted with flirtatious behavior, creating a confusing and isolating environment for someone in the closet. He emphasizes his efforts to suppress his true feelings and the immense pressure he felt to conform to societal expectations, even leading him to pursue a role on "The Bachelor" as a means to conceal his sexuality and achieve a heterosexual narrative.
The conversation delves into the emotional toll of living a double life, including the attempted blackmail he faced, which ultimately served as a catalyst for his coming out. Underwood shares the profound impact of his father's supportive reaction to his coming out, highlighting the generational shifts in acceptance, particularly within conservative circles. He also reflects on the complexities of his past relationships, including his engagement to Cassie, acknowledging the pain he caused by not being fully honest. The episode stresses the importance of self-forgiveness, seeking professional help, and the ongoing process of unpacking trauma and societal conditioning.
Underwood articulates his current perspective on his journey, emphasizing the need to own his mistakes while advocating for a more empathetic understanding of complex personal journeys. He highlights the criticism he has faced, including accusations of using his coming out as a publicity stunt, and clarifies his intention to share his authentic experience to encourage dialogue and self-reflection in others. The episode concludes with Underwood discussing the healthiness of his current relationship, the newfound freedom in expressing himself, and offering advice to others struggling with self-acceptance, advocating for permission to explore what brings genuine fulfillment and happiness.